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When I need to spend a day thinking about Paula I prefer to stay home. I can count upon having to remain immobile for long periods of time, staring into space, frowning. The workplace contains too many interruptions—people calling who aren't Paula, wanting to talk about things other than Paula; petty tasks and writing chores which have nothing to do with Paula, except to remind me that her own tasks and chores are what she's chosen over my company.
It used to be that when I took a day off I'd call Paula around five. Now of course I would never dream of calling Paula on my days off, even though I've spent the whole day thinking about her. I've changed since I became unable to stop thinking about how much I wish Paula would start respecting me again. I have less energy, less initiative. In fact time passes very strangely on my days off now: five comes and goes without warning while I brood, insensible to Paula's day. |